Portugal Update: Reflecting Back on our Move Thus Far + A House Hunt Update
Moving to Europe was supposed to be the answer to everything, right?
I mean, in many ways it has been. But as crazy as it sounds, I’ve felt a little stuck ever since we moved here. I know you may be scoffing at me right now because we moved to Europe, so every day should be amazing and Instagram-perfect, right?
I mean life here is incredible, don’t get me wrong. I manifested an incredible community of girlfriends. A dream life for my family. My son is growing up in nature in a foreign country, getting exposed to so much culture. My husband surfs his brains out, and I get to hang out with and ride horses every day and visit castles on the weekends. It’s literally a dream come true. But with change and growth also come growing pains. And adapting to a completely new environment where we don’t know the language and all the customs yet is challenging. It’s easy to get frustrated, creatively blocked and feel a bit lost at times.
I look back at the people we were when we first stepped off the plane in Portugal in December 2022. We were so tightly wound, nervous, our heads on a swivel, always prepared for something bad to happen. Our nervous systems were completely shot and we felt like empty shells of ourselves. It took several months just to start to peel back the layers and process what we experienced living in Los Angeles for 11+ years and the final few during Covid. I spent the entire year prior to our move working through and processing anything personal that was coming up for me. I thought if I could deal with all of the hard stuff before we left, everything would be smooth sailing on the other side.
But nothing can fully prepare you for a change this big.
Moving to Portugal takes time to adjust. Now that I’m here, I can totally equate becoming an ex-pat to becoming a new mom. Both experiences feel wildly similar. Like when I became a mom, I had an idea in my head of what it would be like, but nothing can actually prepare you for how you will feel in the moment. I remember feeling so happy, celebrating my new baby and my new life. But at the same time, I was simultaneously mourning my old life, the things I gave up, the old me. There was a co-existence of extreme happiness and sadness, along with feeling isolated and alone with my feelings. Taking this huge life step that I’d always wanted to take, knowing it would be hard and scary, but also completely overwhelming like an out-of-body experience. I remember feeling unsteady and ungrounded like I couldn’t find my feet or my rhythm, and I’ve felt the same way here. I remember saying to myself: where’s the instruction manual, why am I so exhausted, so emotional, completely in over my head, and who am I now, and what am I going to do now? I put so much unnecessary pressure on myself as a new mom, and I’ve felt myself doing this exact same thing since our move. Creating expectations of how I think I should be feeling, what I should be doing, and what my life should look like at this very point in time. But as I’ve learned, anytime you preface something with a should, it’s based on external comparisons and expectations, not what genuinely feels authentic in your soul. Motherhood has felt incredibly similar to this experience of moving abroad. Life as I know it has been completely shaken up and flipped upside down, and it’s amazing, but it will never be the same as it was again.
And now for the House Hunt.
I knew one of the biggest struggles moving here would be giving up my home, and the period of transition until we found our new home. Losing the ‘Blue House’ really sent me into a tailspin. The ‘Blue House’ was the home I thought was ‘the one’. The beacon of light that would give me hope that we’d find “home” again and be able to settle. The ‘Blue House’ was the home we’d been purchasing since we moved here, only to find out ten months later, it was completely illegal. That home put me through one of the biggest emotional roller coasters ever.
The whole process rocked me. And I think it rocked me so much because it made me question my own intuition. There were so many signs along the way that told me that it wasn’t the one, but I continued to ignore them and told myself that it was. I created a dream fantasy in my head of what life would be like in that home, and I would do whatever it took to make it happen. Ignoring warning sign after warning sign, convinced that my happiness depended solely on buying this house. And once it all fell apart, I was so angry and confused, like the rug was pulled out from beneath me. I felt like I couldn’t trust my gut anymore. I’ve always felt that the universe has my back, but I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t giving me what I wanted when I was working so hard (aka forcing) to make it happen. As it turns out though, the Universe did have my back. It was protecting me from a home riddled with structural problems, moisture, mold, and legalities.
As beautiful as it was, and as heartbroken as I was,
we dodged a major money pit.
September 26th, we officially found out the ‘Blue House’ was done. You can read all about it HERE.
A week later, we re-engaged with another property we’d previously found a few months back. We’ll call this one the ‘Big Quinta’. We loved this property since the moment we found it, but I think we were both a bit intimidated because it’s a huge property, a big leap, and a big risk. But with our combined skills and talents, we knew this property could host many of our ideas and would be the launchpad for any business we want to start here. We’re currently negotiating with the sellers, but as we learned with the ‘Blue House’, things take forrrreevvvvuuuur here and we won’t put all of our eggs into one basket. So we’ve continued to look at other backup properties in case this one doesn’t pan out.
October 13th, we found a pretty incredible backup.
A tiny little bungalow that didn’t quite tick all of our boxes: it was overpriced, too small, only had two proper bedrooms, no storage, no pool, barely any outdoor space, and no land for my future horses. However, it was so cute and had the character I wanted, and at a much lower price point than most of the homes we’d found. Plus, it was finished, meaning it needed zero work right off the bat. At that point, after eleven months of searching, and weeks of waiting for the ‘Big Quinta’, we said fuck it, let’s go for this one. We knew we would probably soon outgrow it, but if we could rent it out once we did, it made sense. It felt like a little sunny happy beach house.
But just as with the ‘Blue House’, we started seeing red flags….
It didn’t check all of our boxes, but we submitted an offer anyway
We ignored its shortcomings and submitted an offer at 20% below asking. The house was much cheaper than others we’d found, but the price per square meter for the location was incredibly high. The sellers refused our offer and said they would only accept a full-price offer. However, the same issues from our ‘Dream Home’ were presented again. The house was being sold as a 3-bedroom with 168m2 but was legally only a 1-bedroom with 86m2. The upstairs bedrooms (attic) were illegal. Meaning, that the bank would only value and finance the property based on the legal 86 square meters, and we’d have to pay the difference in cash. We’ve said before that we will only purchase fully legal properties here, but here we were again looking at another illegal property. Besides the bank issues, if we wanted to rent it out and obtain an AL permit, we could only get a permit for the legal bedrooms = 1, and they may not even issue us a permit at all.
At this point was really starting to not feel right.
However, even after legal issues were presented, we submitted a full-price offer anyway.
Knowing all of the warning signs, we went against our better judgment and submitted our offer. Homes with character don’t come up in our area often, so we decided to jump on it.
The sellers immediately accepted our offer.
But less than 24 hours later, the sellers rescinded and raised the price of the home.
The home was already overpriced, and now they decided to raise it again.
I’m not exaggerating when I say the market here is bananas right now.
At that point, we decided to walk away.
I’ll be honest, this entire home-buying process has felt incredibly discouraging, and it’s had me question a lot. Like are we even supposed to be here? Shouldn’t everything be easier if this is where we’re actually meant to be? Did I misread the signs that this is where we’re meant to live? All the negative thoughts have run through my head.
I thought by last March, we’d be moved into our dream home, and settled, and by now I’d be renovating, designing, and decorating.
And here we are, basically back at square one again. Ugh!
In California, my creative outlet came from my home, and without that, I felt a bit lost. I’ve struggled to know where to put my energy. I haven’t felt like posting on social media, haven’t wanted to share too much, because things aren’t exactly like I’d hoped. But I do think it’s important to share that there are downs, not just ups, and a whole lot of emotions:). I constantly feel vulnerable and exposed. That’s one thing a move like this will do, uncover every single emotion you try to push down and hide and blast them to the surface.
Life right now doesn’t look 100% like the dream I had in my head, but it’s pretty close and I know we’ll get there. I think the lesson here for me is to find the beauty and growth in the in-between, to let go of controlling and forcing the outcome. To enjoy the present moment. I keep telling myself this, but it’s much easier said than done.
I really hope we get the ‘Big Quinta’, but if it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. Our lease expires in a few months, so I really hope it is, because that’s giving me a bit of anxiety. But at this point, I can’t force anything, it’s either meant for us, or it isn’t. I know what I want. I want a farm with character, lots of animals, land, space to breathe, and for Coyote to run wild. And I’m not going to settle for anything that doesn’t check those boxes.
I know it’s out there, so stay tuned to see where we end up…
